The Heart Beat

Opinion and Invective On The World of Dating and Relationships

October 20, 2016

Write Your Break-Up Recovery Story

When you’re dealing with the pain and trauma of a breakup, there are few phrases more annoying than “look on the bright side” or “it’s probably for the best.” Your heart has been shattered. Your life, upheaved. Who will get the friends? What will I do with my weekends? Will I ever see my blue […]

October 20, 2016

What Do Women Want: Looks or Character?

Would you rather be with a handsome man or an altruistic man? A British study recently published in Evolutionary Psychology examined how much a man’s level of altruism influences his attractiveness to women. In the study, led by University of Worcester psychologist Daniel Farrelly, 202 heterosexual women looked at photographs of pairs of men. In […]

say no and say yes
October 6, 2016

Sometimes You Have to Say No to Say Yes!

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, or is it?” Have you ever had to say no to something in order to open the door to saying yes to something else? What happened? I had a great conversation with a colleague over lunch last week. She’s been dating a guy for […]

relationship advice
October 4, 2016

‘I Don’t Understand Why She Left’

Dear Sara: Two and a half years ago, I met a woman online (I was 43 and she was 33 and an alcoholic, sober for 3 years), and we hit it off right away. She was witty and smart. We communicated really well, and we had great physical chemistry. After a few weeks, she said […]

why brad and angelina are divorcing
September 20, 2016

Brad, Angelina, and the Real Reason Many Relationships Fail

I always look for a silver lining with these types of news stories: ‘Brad and Angelina: It’s Over.’ In this latest case of a celeb marriage turned sour, I turned to our Chief Scientist Steve Carter, who has been studying relationships at eHarmony for 15+ years, for his take on why so many unions just […]

attracted to unhappy people
August 4, 2016

‘Why Am I Attracted to Unhappy People?’

Believe it or not, dating people who are unhappy is a problem for scores of men and women. If dating unhappy people sounds ridiculous to you, dig deeper into your own romantic past and you will probably find a person or two who was unhappy through and through. Does it mean something if you have […]

dating with disabilities
July 25, 2016

Dating With a Disability: ‘Should I Just Give Up?’

Dear Sara: I’m in Seattle and dating here is brutal. I’m 41, educated, funny, fairly attractive, and kind/courteous. I’m looking for the real thing. Here’s the problem: I was almost killed in a car wreck two years ago and my ankles and feet were crushed, every single bone, as well as others in my legs […]

nice guys and dating
July 20, 2016

Leave Room For the Nice Guys

Dear Sara: I’m 49 years old. I’ve never been married, and have no children. I dated a guy for 15 years, thought we would be married and have kids, and we have been broken up for over 10 years. It took me three years to get over that relationship because he immediately found someone 10 years […]

dating advice
July 13, 2016

Why We Love People Who ‘Speak Our Language’

Your mother was right: “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Especially in the search for romantic love. A study by University of Texas psychologists James Pennebaker and Molly Ireland found that people with similar speaking and writing styles show more romantic interest in one another than those with more divergent language […]

June 16, 2016

Feeling Lonely? You’re Not Alone

If you’re single and searching for a partner, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. In fact, it could mean the opposite. People who enjoy being on their own are less likely to settle for mediocre relationships, while those who fear solitude usually have lower standards. Maike Luhman, a psychologist at the University of Cologne in […]